Active Listening
Active listening is when you are NOT simply waiting for your turn to talk, BUT paying full attention to the person speaking and trying to understand them first. Active listening can be a useful tool to have positive conversations with people and build stronger relationships.
Why Active Listening?
It is a useful tool to help dissolve tension, build trust and improve conversations.​
​
Active Listening and Assertive Communication go hand in hand. Really listening to the other person and then responding appropriately is a core element of assertive communication.​​
​
​Does Active Listening fix everything? 
Unfortunately not, but it can be a great start for effective communication.
View time 1:27mins
Active Listening​ - Five Components
​​
-
Focus on the Speaker: Look at the person and avoid distractions.​
-
Show You’re Listening: Nod, smile, or say small words like "yes" or "I see."​
-
Don’t Interrupt: Let the person finish speaking before you respond.​
-
Ask Questions: If you don’t understand something, ask for clarification.​
-
Repeat Back: Summarise what the person said to make sure you understood correctly.
"REMEMBER people process intention and tone before language so ​it's important how we say what we say" – Dr Becky Kennedy
View time: 5:06mins
Active Listening With Children
You say: "I am glad you're telling me about this"
What the child hears: "I am still loved and accepted, and my parent can tolerate this while I learn to tolerate this myself"
​
You say: "I believe you, I believe it feels that bad"
What the child hears: The child will believe in their own emotions because you have validated their experience.
​
You say: "Tell me more"
What the child hears: The child reflects on their experiences, how they feel and what they think could happen next, to explain their thinking further or give you the reasons behind their responses.
View time: 5:01mins
Active Listening CAN'T DOs
​
-
Solve All Problems: It doesn't provide solutions to every issue. Sometimes, additional actions or decisions are needed.
-
Change Facts: Listening can't change the reality of a situation, or the facts involved.
-
Control Others' Reactions: You can't control how others will respond, even if you listen actively.​
-
Address Underlying Challenges: Some problems, like long-term relationship issues or mental health concerns, may require professional help.
Active Listening CAN DOs
​
-
Improve Understanding: Helps you to understand the speaker's perspective and feelings.
-
Build Trust: Shows that you care and respect the speaker, which can strengthen relationships.
-
Resolve Conflicts: Can help de-escalate conflicts by ensuring everyone feels heard and understood.
-
Encourage Openness: Makes people more likely to share their thoughts and feelings.