Anxiety and children
What is normal?
Anxiety can look different, and it may not manifest the same way in all children (even with siblings).
In fact, different anxieties often develop at different stages.
For example:
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Babies and toddlers often fear loud noises, heights, strangers and separation.
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Preschoolers might start to show fear of being on their own and of the dark.
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School-age children might be afraid of supernatural things (like ghosts), social situations, failure, criticism or tests, and physical harm or threat.
Babies and young children don’t tend to worry about things. For children to be worried, they have to imagine the future and bad things that might happen in it. This is why worries become more common in children over eight years of age.
Children and teenagers worry about different things as they get older. In early childhood, they might worry about getting sick or hurt. In older childhood and adolescence, the focus becomes less concrete. For example, they might think a lot about war, economic and political fears, family relationships and so on.
However, they may need some extra support when:
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they feel anxious more than other children of a similar age
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anxiety stops them participating in activities at school or socially
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anxiety interferes with their ability to do things that other children their age can do
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their fears and worries seem out of proportion to the issues in their life
More information:
https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/health-daily-care/mental-health/anxiety-in-children
FACT
Anxiety and unhappiness are normal emotions.
As parents, it’s important to recognise that anxiety and unhappiness are normal emotions that everyone experiences, including teenagers.
Worry happens when a child thinks about things that happened before or might happen later. Fear happens right now.
Examples could be a child worrying about a test next week and feeling scared when they sit down to take it. Or, they might worry about a big storm coming and feel scared when they hear thunder.
You are the expert of your family.
Listen to your gut instinct if it is telling you something is off.
Types of Anxiety
Worry, fear, tension.
Anxiety disorders, like generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), social anxiety, panic disorders, and phobias, can affect both children and adults.
Children might find it hard to recognise and talk about their anxiety, while adults usually can explain their feelings better.
Kids often show anxiety through changes in behavior, whereas adults might have more thoughts and worries.
It’s important to remember that anxiety can look different for everyone, especially for those who are neurodiverse or come from different cultural backgrounds.
Ages and Stages
Age is important.
There are similarities but also key differences in the way anxiety manifests in people of different ages and developmental stages. For example, if a baby cries when an unfamiliar person wants to hold them, their fear seems perfectly normal for this age. But if a 12-year-old withdraws or refuses to talk to new people and avoids situations where it may be expected, this may be a sign of a more serious anxiety issue.
No matter their age, both children and young people can have difficulty finding the words to express what they’re feeling – their behaviour may be the best clue.
Early childhood
Young children are in the early stages of learning how to recognise, understand and respond appropriately to their emotions. Anxiety disorders are less likely to be formally identified in children under five, partly because certain fears are considered normal – for instance, fear of the dark, visiting unfamiliar places or separating from a family member. Behaviours that might indicate they’re experiencing higher levels of anxiety than average could include: • taking a long time to calm or settle following separation from a family member on a regular basis • frequent tantrums that are more regular or severe than others of the same age • low interest or significant reluctance to interact in social situations • unwillingness to get involved in unfamiliar activities • significant difficulty or distress during change or transitions • clingy behaviour or inability to separate from a favourite educator. Many children in early childhood will display one or more of the above behaviours; however, if it happens on a regular basis and interferes with the child’s ability to learn and engage in social relationships, then it’s a sign they need additional support.
Primary school years
As children’s thinking skills expand and become more abstract, they can develop fears of imaginary creatures and monsters. They may also worry about schoolwork, tests and their social relationships. As they grow older, they may have anxiety about family relationships or global issues such as war or famine. The following behaviours might indicate a primary school age child is experiencing higher levels of anxiety than average: • Wanting things to be perfect • Reluctance to ask for help • Asking for reassurance excessively • Difficulty joining in • Requests to go to sick bay • Challenging behaviour.
Adolescence
During adolescence, common sources of anxiety include starting secondary school, fitting in with peers, exam stress, body image and family relationships. Worrying about these things isn’t necessarily a sign of a mental health condition. Individuals may need additional support if they experience the following: • Appearing withdrawn and reluctant to participate in classroom activities or social situations • Oversensitivity to criticism or feedback • Perfectionism and fear of failure • Missing classes or excusing themselves to go to the toilet on a regular basis • Negative thinking and always expecting the worst • Challenging behaviour. Looking beyond behaviour to try to identify what might be underneath can help you respond with understanding. Anxiety can be difficult to spot because it presents in many ways. The important point is to notice that there’s a concern and seek further advice and assistance.
Anxiety can masquerade as something else.
Chandeliering
To borrow a term from renowned social scientist, Brené Brown, chandeliering is when a seemingly calm person suddenly flies off the handle for no reason.
In reality, they have pushed hurt and anxiety so deep for so long that a seemingly innocent comment or event suddenly sends them straight through the chandelier. A child who goes from calm to a full-blown tantrum without a reason is often ill-equipped to talk about their anxiety and tries to hide it instead.
After days or even weeks of appearing “normal” on the surface, these children will suddenly reach a point where they cannot hide their anxious feelings anymore and have a much stronger reaction than the situation calls for.
Physical Symptoms
Anxiety can also result in physical symptoms such as
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sleeplessness
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diarrhoea
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stomach aches and
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headaches (sometimes referred to as somatic complaints).
Other symptoms may include irritability, difficulty concentrating and tiredness.
References:
It’s like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut – way more force than needed!
It’s important for parents to monitor their own window of tolerance when supporting their children.
This means being aware of your own emotional and stress levels, and recognising when you might be feeling overwhelmed or having an emotional reaction.
By maintaining your own emotional balance, you can better support your child through their anxiety.
Remember, taking care of yourself is not only beneficial for you but also sets a positive example for your child on how to manage stress and emotions effectively.
The Dragon and the Treasure
A Story for Parents
Once upon a time, there was a child who dreamed of finding a hidden treasure. This treasure was very special, representing their hopes and dreams. The child knew where the treasure was and how to get there, but a dragon was guarding it. The dragon looked scary and fierce, and the child was afraid to go near it. Every time the child thought about the treasure, the dragon seemed to grow bigger and more frightening. The child started to believe they could never get past the dragon, so they avoided it. But the treasure was still there, waiting. One day, the child decided to take a closer look at the dragon. They realsed they didn’t know much about it. Maybe the dragon wasn’t as bad as it seemed. The child thought, “What if the dragon just wants to be my friend?” With this new idea, the child approached the dragon slowly and carefully. They spoke kindly to the dragon and tried to understand it. To their surprise, the dragon wasn’t mean or dangerous at all. It just wanted to be acknowledged and appreciated for protecting the treasure. The child learned that the dragon, like their own anxiety, wasn’t something to defeat but to understand and befriend. By accepting the dragon, the child found that it no longer blocked the path to the treasure. The dragon stepped aside, and the child reached their goal. In the end, the dragon even said, “What need does a dragon have for treasure anyway?” The child smiled, knowing they had made a new friend and learned an important lesson about facing their fears. This story helps parents understand that supporting their child through anxiety is about helping them tame their “dragon” – their fears and worries – so they can reach their goals and dreams.