Looking After Yourself
Assertive Communication
Our interactions with others can sometimes fall into unhelpful patterns. Here we look at different styles of communication and explore assertive communication. We recommend you think about different communication options for what might work best for yourself and others.
The main communication styles:
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Passive
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Aggressive
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Passive-Aggressive
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Assertive
Different communication styles are appropriate depending on who you are talking to, where you are and how you feel.
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Active Listening and Assertive Communication go hand in hand.​
Active Listening can help dissolve tension and build trust.​​ Really listening to the other person and then responding appropriately is a core element of communication.​
​​Assertiveness is a healthy balance between passive and aggressive
It’s a way to express yourself clearly and respectfully.​ It can help to improve your relationships and achieve your goals or stand up for your rights. Assertive communication looks different for everyone.​​ and it can't fix everything but is more often than not a useful tool.
Assertive Communication​ Components
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Expressing Feelings: Use "I" statements to communicate emotions honestly and respectfully.
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Setting Boundaries: Clearly define personal limits and expectations.
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Active Listening: Practice active listening and understanding the perspective of others.
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Problem-Solving: Collaborate to find solutions which work for everyone.​​​
We can learn new ways to communicate
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The way we learn and practice communication as children shapes our self-beliefs as adults. It also influences what we expect from other people, and our sense of what we can or can’t achieve in life. ​We have the ability to learn new communication styles and self-beliefs. ​​​​​​If we can find new ways of interacting with other people, we can change outcomes for ourselves.
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Can you think of interactions that you would like a 'do-over'?
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How would have assertive communication improved the experience?
View time: 15:08min
Assertive Communication – Five key parts
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Be honest about your feelings, thoughts, and needs. Don’t hide or deny them, but also avoid blaming or criticising others for theirs.
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Be direct, clear and straightforward about what you want or need. Avoid hints and indirect language. Be honest and direct but remain polite.
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Be respectful. It’s important to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and respectfully (e.g. use "I statements"). Ensure you listen to others and acknowledge their perspectives without dismissing or criticising. This approach fosters mutual respect and understanding.
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Be confident in yourself and your abilities but also recognise your limitations and areas for improvement. Assertive confidence is shown through eye contact, speaking with a calm and steady voice and using open body language. It involves clear and direct communication, respecting others’ perspectives and being willing to say no when necessary.
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Be flexible, open minded to different perspectives and willing to compromise and negotiate with others with conflict.
View time: 15:08min
Dr. Abby's research and findings on assertiveness have inspired her to tell the world how to find their voice. While many people believe that assertiveness is rude and ugly, Dr. Abby presents the beauty of assertiveness as a way to show the world that we are smart, kind, and important.