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“However deep our theoretical commitment to serenity, in the course of an average day, we are likely to encounter a number of extremely well-crafted invitations to lose our tempers badly.
Our partner will press a well-flagged nuclear button related, let’s imagine, to their views on our mother or our career choice.
At work, a colleague may deliberately not answer a very simple question to which we urgently need an answer.
A shop attendant may give us a bored, insolent shrug.
Someone in the supermarket may falsely accuse us of standing in the wrong line…”
Redirecting arguments
We should resist invitations to argue by recognising them for what they are: attempts by the other party to rescue themselves from unbearable feelings.
Recognising that arguments often stem from the other person’s emotional struggles can help us respond with empathy and maintain our composure.
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Here are some additional tips to help resist invitations to argue:
Tips to Resist Invitations to Argue
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Pause and Breathe:
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Take a moment to breathe deeply before responding. This helps you stay calm and avoid reacting impulsively.
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Acknowledge Their Feelings:
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Show empathy by acknowledging the other person’s feelings. For example,
“I can see that you’re upset about this.”
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Stay Neutral:
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Keep your tone and body language neutral. Avoid showing signs of anger or frustration, which can escalate the situation.
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Redirect the Conversation:
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Gently steer the conversation towards a more constructive topic. For example,
“Let’s focus on finding a solution to this issue.”
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Set Boundaries:
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Politely set boundaries if the conversation becomes too heated. For example,
“I think we both need a moment to cool down.
Let’s revisit this later.”
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Use Humor:
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Light humor can sometimes defuse tension. Just be careful to ensure it’s appropriate and not dismissive of the other person’s feelings.
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Seek Understanding:
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Ask questions to understand the root cause of their frustration. For example,
“Can you help me understand why this is so important to you?”
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Agree to Disagree:
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Recognise that it’s okay to have different opinions. Agreeing to disagree can sometimes be the best way to move forward.
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Practice Self-Compassion:
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Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that it’s okay to step away from a conflict if it’s too overwhelming.
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Reflect Afterwards:
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After the interaction, take some time to reflect on what happened and how you handled it. This can help you improve your responses in the future.
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By applying these strategies, you can maintain your serenity and handle challenging interactions more effectively.